One Door Closes

I think it's time for me to close down this blog. I'm not going to delete it, at least not right away. But I probably will delete it, only because I think I need to walk away for awhile and I might not stay away if my blog is still there. And I'm hoping when I come back (I know I will at some point) that I am in a much better place and starting fresh would be a good thing.

I need time to take care of myself. And there are things going on in my life that I just can't share here, things I need to face, things that are going to take all of my focus.

I will still be checking my email (accordingtoty@gmail.com) and I know I'll be lurking in the background of all my favorite bloggers.

Until I come back:

Ann(ie) - Enjoy that cute little boy of yours and I hope you are expecting another cutie as soon as you're ready!

Andrea - Enjoy your trip and know that I admire you for all the hard work you're doing in taking care of yourself. I do think we are somehow related!

Chris H - I hope your house does sell and that your next home is everything you want it to be.

Chelle - I hope you find happiness and contentment in your life. You were one of my first blogging friends and I appreciate your kindness and understanding.

Mama G - Good luck with the new baby, I'm sure you're busy sewing away and getting prepared.

And just in case I have any lurkers out there, thanks for sticking around.

Take care and I'll see you again.

Better

Today was tournament day which means we are done with soccer, woo hoo!

My father is doing well. I went to see him earlier and I was surprised at how much better he looked and acted. He had his first dialysis treatment this morning which went fine. I look for him to start to feel much better as he has more dialysis.

I'm feeling pretty good emotionally. I had a melt down Thursday night, JR pissed me off and I just lost it. And it was nice. I mean, I think I really needed to unload and honestly, he needed to hear it.

So even though I was exhausted after yesterday, I was fine.

I'm still struggling with wanting to be antisocial and with having absolutely no patience for other people and their dumbness. But it's something I can work through. I am due to start any day now so that has a little to do with that.

I have lots of different things I could bitch about but I'm trying to think and be more positive so I'm not gonna.

I'm off to hopefully go out to dinner. Cuz I ain't cookin'.

Long Day

Dad has been transferred to another hospital, has had another port put in for dialysis and will probably be starting it tomorrow.

It's been a long day.

I am tired.

Know What I Hate....

When someone walks in the office and walks right past my desk and acts like I am not sitting there. No hi, bye, kiss my ass, nuthin'!

Thought Life

I find myself observing other people quite a bit. Even though I know things aren't always as they appear, I feel like everyone else is happier, more content, just all around better off than I am.

I wonder if there is something I'm missing out on, some secret to being happy, content, better.

I do know that there are people that appear happy and content regardless of their circumstances. And of course, most people are not going to spill all their woes in a public setting which makes it real easy to observe someone and think that all is wonderful with them.

I guess feeling this way is really a form of self pity.

I wish I didn't feel like I was missing out. In all honesty, I am missing out but not on some big secret. I'm missing out on life by choosing to think this way.

I've had this mindset for as long as I can remember so I know that it's not something I can change over night.

I'm starting to really study about how our thoughts determine our lives. Now if I can only put it all into practice.

Happy Halloween & Stuff

Dad was put in the hospital yesterday, he's dehydrated again, kidney function is bad again. You know a person is feeling bad when they actually want to be admitted to the hospital. I have not been to see him yet, he was given a medication to either increase or decrease his potassium and that particular medication causes severe diarrhea. I called to check on him, thinking maybe I could come for a short visit but he was asleep after having explosive diarrhea. I decided to pass on the visit. I have talked with him this morning, he is feeling better and if he continues feeling well, I'll go up to see him today.

Of course today is Halloween so we'll be busy with that tonight. I'm such a slacker, we didn't even carve pumpkins this year, first year ever.

Oh well, I never professed to be super woman.

The office is quiet this morning, you-know-who will not be in today. I have to come to accept that this is just the type of person she is and it's not that she doesn't have any good qualities. She can just be so freaking mean. I used to take it personally, especially when JR and I were getting married. The things she said to me and about me were borderline abusive and I just internalized all of it. I was young though and she intimidated me. Now I just get pissed and sometimes if I feel it's needed, I go back at her. Like I said yesterday, thank God I don't have to live with her.

I guess I should go earn my paycheck.

Just A little Rant

Back to work today.

And you know, I realize now why I feel like I have the life sucked out of me when I get home.

The bitching is enough to drive me insane.

But at least, I don't have to live with her.