Happiness

Things that make me happy:

• The smell of honeysuckle
• Sunshine glinting on the water
• Baby chickens learning to hunt for bugs
• Getting sweaty stinky from working out
• A cool breeze on a hot day
• Freshly manicured fingers

Sometimes when you're not feeling happy, you have to remind yourself of things that do make you happy.

What makes you happy?

Still Here

First I want to thank all of you for your kind thoughts and concern, it means so much.

Just wanted to stop by and fill you in on what's been going on.

I've mostly been spending time with my family. We've spent a couple of days at the "river" which is where my in-laws live. We fished, the kids swam for hours, we got sunburn. I love being near the water. Thankfully I have always lived near the water, I learned to swim in the Chesapeake Bay and I'm not too far from the Atlantic Ocean. I can spend hours on the beach, just being there, listening to the water.

My emotional state is ok. I hate feeling like this. I hate how I want to run away, how I just want to be left alone. I hate that I'm so unhappy when I don't have any reason to be. I hate how I feel so different from those around me. I sit and watch other people and they look so happy, so normal and then there's me.

I'm good at putting on the brave face though. I guarantee you that other than my sister and maybe Junior, no one else knows that I'm not myself. Even though depression is not as taboo as it once was, it still carries a stigma. A lot of people think jeez, just get over it and move on. I thought that way too and suffered needlessly for a long time. So I choose not to share my struggle with other people.

That's what's going on. I'm plugging along, doing things I normally enjoy. Faking it till I make it.

Honesty

I think like a lot of people that blog, there are certain things that you don't share. I have chosen to keep my name and my family's names relatively anonymous, just because I want to be able to blog about whatever I want without it coming back to haunt me.

I am very honest here about my life. I don't make it more than it is, I don't sugar coat my circumstances. I keep it real because for me, it's easier that way. I don't have the energy or the imagination to do anything but keep it real.

I've shared about my struggle with depression. What I haven't shared is my attempt to come off of antidepressants.

See, 2 months ago I decided that I was feeling good. I had been reading how exercise is supposed to help with depression and since I've pretty much gotten myself into a regular exercise routine, I decided to wean myself off the Wellbutrin.

I've done this before and ended up back on.

And just like before, I do fine for a little while because the medication is still in my system.

Well, I've been free and clear of it now for about a month.

And I just can't do it.

I'm not ashamed of having depression. That's not why I don't want to take medication. I just don't want to take the medication because there are side effects. Granted, Wellbutrin gives me the least amount of side effects out of all the others I've tried which is why I stay with that one only. But there are side effects-dry mouth, headaches, dizziness, nausea and heart palpitations.

I can't live depressed though. I'm not talking about having a bad day depressed. I'm talking about not wanting to get out of bed, I don't want to face the world depressed.

I'm right back in the pit again. I don't want to be around people, I don't want to be married, I feel like my kids would be better off without me.

I recognize the signs.

I have to get back on the medication.

Today.

I'm not telling you this to alarm you. I just want you to understand why I haven't been around much and why I might not be commenting on your blogs much. When I'm like this I have a really hard time having conversations, I don't feel I have anything of worth to say. But I felt the need to share this because there are several of you out there that I consider friends, even if I've never met you or even heard your voice.

I'm going to take a mini hiatus from blogging. I need some time to get myself straight. I will probably be lurking around my favorite blogs though because I want to keep up with how everyone is. I will be checking my email most day so if you want to drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you.

New Kid

I just dropped Trev off at the private school. He was excited yet nervous, handling it all in stride.

But once we walked in the school and saw some boys his age were sitting in the lobby, I watched him bite his lip. My heart slammed to my feet because I know that look and I knew that at that moment he was beyond nervous, he was scared. He's never been the new kid.

Of course the lady at the front desk just gushed all over him and took right over. Within 30 seconds he was walking away from me with her. He didn't look back. And there I stood, fighting back tears.

I didn't even make it to my van before I started bawling. I cried the whole way here to work.

I know that he will be ok.

I admire how he didn't let his nervousness and fear stop him. We talk about that all the time, how it's normal to be afraid, to be nervous but how you can't let that stop you from doing things because you may miss out on something great. But it's so hard to step out when you're gripped with fear.

I'll be back later to let you know how he made out.
***********************************************************************************************

Trev made out just fine. He had a lot of fun even though it was so different than what he is used to. He made a few friends and is looking forward to going back tomorrow. I was a worried mess all morning. I am so glad he made out ok. It's not making the decision that much easier though. I mean, I know he'll only benefit by going there but it's really hard to take him from all that he's used to. Granted he would be starting middle school next year but he would be with all his friends so that makes the transition easier. I need to look at the big picture though and it's not like he wouldn't see his friends, he'd still play sports with them and we'd have to make a special effort to have his friends come over. I just want to do the right thing.

Abby came home in tears today. Her class has a guinea pig named Pooh. Since we have 2 guinea pigs already we've taken Pooh over long breaks. Her teacher has told her more than once that at the end of the school year, Abby could take Pooh home and he would be hers. Now the teacher has changed her mind and only wants to Abby to keep Pooh over the summer which I objected to. I'm not going to have Abby get attached to the thing and then have to give it back. I offered to pay for the pig and everything so I'm not sure what happened.

So the plan is Friday evening we're heading to the pet store and Abby will be picking out her very own baby guinea pig.

I've had a busy evening. I realized that Abby has to take in a snack for the book report party tomorrow. So I baked a cake. Then Abby had to go to the school and perform in the spring concert.

I'm just now getting home. It's been a long day. Got a lot on my mind but I'm too tired to blog about it. Maybe tomorrow.

On The Fringe

I'm back to work and I don't want to be. I want to be home doing homey things. I'm in one of my moods where I just want to hole myself up and stay away from the world. It's probably a good thing that I can't do that. I would probably become one of those people that never leaves their house.

My birthday was pretty much just another day. I did get my pedicure and my foil highlights look great.

My sister called me this morning full of excuses as to why she didn't call me yesterday. Whatever.

Tomorrow Trev goes to the private school we are considering and gets to "shadow" a student. That way he gets to try it out and see how he likes it. I'm praying it's a good experience, that will make the decision much easier.

I have not weighed myself this week and I have not been following any sort of eating plan either. I'm just so damn tired of the roller coaster ride that is called dieting. I need to follow the basic rules of eating when I'm hungry, stopping when I'm comfortable and staying active. All 3 of my children live that way, none have issues with food and I pray they never do. I try so hard to encourage them to have a healthy relationship with food. But really, if I don't have that, how can I expect them to? I truly feel down deep that intuitive eating is the way I should eat, live, be but I never stick with it for very long. Mostly out of fear that I will gain all my weight back plus some.

I've come to love exercise and not because of the weight loss benefits. I love being stronger, feeling healthier. I love the feeling I have when I've completed a work out. I guess you could say that I'm proud because each time I push myself to do it because even though I love how I've been feeling, I'm lazy and would rather not go to the gym and get all sweaty. But I do it because it's good for me.

That's how I need to approach my eating. I need to make the choices that will benefit my body. Even when I don't want to.

Maybe I'm just entering a mid-life crises of sorts. But I just feel this need to change how I'm living. Sometimes I feel like I'm just living on the fringe, not really enjoying anything. And you know, that's sad. We only get one chance at this thing called life.

What about you? Are you living on the fringe? Or do you make the most of every moment?

******************************************************************************************************************
I am so sick to my stomach right now. I'm not sure if it's just my nerves or if I'm actually coming down with something. I'm hoping that it's just nerves. Maybe I'm more worried about Trev going to this new school tomorrow than I thought.

Or maybe it's from all the freaking junk I've been consuming for the past week.

Ally had her final lacrosse game tonight and they totally kicked ass. This was the one game that the girls really wanted to win, it's against the league that is in the very next town, there are several 8th grade girls from Ally's school that play on that league and they have been talking smack all season.

I was so nauseous that I couldn't even yell much. Ally made a goal and I yelled then though.

Poor Abby got her feelings hurt tonight. There were several girls that she knows and they wouldn't play with her. Two of the girls are daughters of the people we went on vacation with last summer. They are two little huzzies and after seeing how they treated Abby tonight, it only reinforced my decision to never go away with them again. I swear, it totally pissed me off.

Ok, I'm off to get on some comfy clothes and I have a new book to dig into. I love a new book, gives me the warm and fuzzies.

Slowing Down

Yesterday was the last day of rec lacrosse. Trev will still be practicing twice a week until tournaments but the girls are done.

I love this time of year when we are finishing up all the busyness-dance, lacrosse, school. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Soon we'll be home every night and I can get back into cooking real meals again. We'll be less stressed which means we'll enjoy our time together as a family more.

Junior took me out to dinner last night for my birthday. I got drunk and ate too much. We came home and had some serious boot knockin' sex. I won't go into great detail but those of you that have been with your partner for a long time know that sex has a way of getting rather boring and predictable. So it's always nice when it's not.

Ok, I'll shut up now.

I slept in this morning until 9am, not too hungover. I did start my period though.

I'm about 98% sure we are going to send Trev to private school for grades 6 through 8. I was very impressed with the school and how they do things. Trev will go this Wednesday and Thursday to shadow a student there, hopefully it will be a good experience. He's actually looking forward to it and very open to the idea of visiting there.

I forgot to mention that we got our baby chickens. They are so cute. I would post pictures but I broke the card reader (don't ask, I had a moment of intense frustration and well, I broke it).

I doubt I'll be online tomorrow. I have my day of beauty planned and I also plan to visit my mom's grave, take some flowers like I do every year on my birthday.

Honestly I'm feeling the need to cut back on my time online. I have flower beds that need my attention and I'd like to get Ally's room painted. I need to scrub my back porch so we can start having meals out there. I'm hoping to join a local pool and take the kids a few days a week. And if I'm spending hours online I won't be able to do half of those things.

I'm off now to pull weeds and feed my chickens.

A Whole Lotta Nuthin'

I know I haven't been around much. I haven't had anything good to say really.

I've got a wicked case of PMS.

I'm trying to plan our summer vacation and it's turning into a major pain in the ass, so much so that I'm ready to say screw it and stay the hell home. Junior says he wants to visit Western Maryland which is all good but he has no idea where in Western Maryland he wants to go. And I have no desire to go there but I'm willing to go along because I normally do pick where we go during the summer and I always want to go to the beach. But if he's going to sit back and not even make an effort to figure out where he wants to freaking go, then I'll save my money and stay home.

I found out Tuesday night that the family we went to the Outer Banks with last year are going back again this year. I only found out because she was talking about it to someone and I overheard her. And for some reason I feel offended which is stupid because it wasn't like we were even planning to go away with them this year. But it just feels kinda weird that they didn't approach us. I know, how stupid!

I'm going to the beach with my MIL for 5 days the end of June. I'm also going to plan a beach trip in August because Junior is going away so why should I sit home? The kids will be almost ready to go back to school at that point and it will be nice to just get away.

Maybe I should wait for my PMS to leave before I make any decisions....

I've been told that there is going to be a picket line at the lacrosse game this weekend. Apparently the family of the boy with cerebral palsy is having some organization for disabled children join them in the picket. I don't know if they are going to picket the entrance to the park or around the pavilion area. Either way it will be a complete mess.

My birthday is Monday. I have a day for myself all planned. I'm getting foil highlights and a pedicure. I've taken off work too.

Junior and I are visiting the private school we are considering for Trev this morning. I'm hoping that after visiting I will have a gut feeling as to what is best to do.

Ally is still grounded. She's bringing her grades up though but I'm standing firm and she won't come off being punished until every single one is brought up and if they slip again, she'll be grounded again.

That pretty much sums up my life right now. I'm in a bitchy mood and not fit to be around.

Protest!

Our lacrosse season ends this Saturday. Junior is taking Trev and most of his team to tournaments in June in Ocean City, MD. The tournaments are a separate thing from our regular lacrosse league. We are actually take about 5 boys from another league with us to tournaments so we have a big enough team.

Apparently the U-15 team coaches took 5 from our league and teamed up with other players from neighboring leagues. Which means 1o players from our league are not going and the parents are not happy.

One set of parents happens to have a kid with cerebral palsy and they are saying he is being discriminated against.

So tonight we found out that several parents are staging a protest this weekend. I'm not sure what that means really. Will they carry signs? Yell from bull horns? March around the park?

On our last day of games we have a big picnic afterwards, the kids always look forward to it. It's usually a nice, relaxing day.

I understand how the parents are feeling. Even though the tournaments are a separate thing from our rec league, I would probably feel offended somewhat. I mean, you spend 3 months together as a team and then only a few get to go. And the only reason for that is that the coaches want to win.

So it's not that I don't get how they feel, I just don't want the day to get ruined for the kids.

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Monday Weigh In #4

Monday Weigh In #4 - 0.5 lb gain

I was expecting worse than just half a pound. I don't think I stopped eating all weekend except to sleep. Maybe my metabolism is able to keep up somewhat with all the exercise I do now.

Either way I'll take the gain and I accept full responsibility for it.

Life

I survived Mother's Day. It was a very nice day. We ended up having dinner at my in-laws, we just took all the food there and I set up and cleaned up. My in-laws live on the river so the kids fished and spent all afternoon outside. My kids are like me and love being near the water.

I didn't spend the day completely down in the dumps. I kind of did that on Friday. Had a good cry in the van while driving home from running errands. I think it helped that we were so busy all weekend.

Saturday the kids had lacrosse games in Ocean City, MD. The weather was awesome. Though Abby almost got into a brawl with a girl on her team, the one who is a major brat but really, Abby just needs to learn to ignore her. It got ugly though and the brat even threw a ball at Abby, thankfully she missed her by a mile but if she had hit her, I don't think I would've been held my composure so well. Of course, Ally saw the brat throw the ball at her sister and Ally went off, started yelling. I had to make her walk away while I tried to get everyone calmed down.

Honestly I was shocked to see Ally react that way. She spends half her time either completely ignoring her little sister or treating her like she's a pest. It did my heart good to see her defending Abby.

Ally is grounded right now. She got horrible grades on her interim report, grades that she should not be bringing home. And the thing is, it's not that she's not doing her work, she just doesn't turn it in. That completely boggles my mind. Why do the work and just leave it in your folder? Anyway, she's grounded until she brings those grades back up.

Trev was officially diagnosed with hypothyroidism Friday evening. His endocrinologist called me with the lab results, his level is still high so now he's taking synthroid just like me. He'll have his level checked again in 6 weeks to see where he is and if his medication needs to be increased.

I dragged my butt to exercise this morning. I like the one new trainer. He's very encouraging and is very good at explaining how to keep proper form. He's a middle school PE teacher and you can tell. The other trainer I'm just not clicking with as well. He's not long out of the military and when we did warm ups and our abs, he totally sounded like a drill seargent. Not that it really bothered me but I don't think he's good at the teaching aspect of the class, watching our form and helping us correct what we're doing wrong.

Well, that's what's going on with me. Now I'm off to do my weigh in post which is really a gain post but what can you expect when you haven't stopped eating for 3 days.

Fill Me

I should be cleaning and getting things ready for tomorrow since we're leaving at 6:15am.

Instead I am here with a lot on my mind, wanting to release it but not sure if I can and make sense.

I guess it doesn't really matter if I make sense.

I've been on a binge that has lasted all day. I knew it was coming. I've been eating more than I like to all week and I've been eating the foods that I turn to when I binge.

I have the urge to binge quite a lot. Sometimes I can just work through it. Other times I'm too damn tired, too damn weak (I don't mean weak as in no will power, I mean just weak feeling, like I have nothing left in me) to work through the urge. Giving in seems easier so I do.

Today I was thinking about my binges. Particularly this one, what set me off? When I think about my binges I can see where I have this deep need to fill this part of myself that always feels empty.

I don't remember ever not feeling this way, like something has always been missing.

Looking back I see the different ways I've tried to fill that part. Guys, alcohol, drugs in my teen years. Then I decided getting married would complete me and even though I am with a man that loves me, who I consider my best friend, he wasn't able to fill me either. Next it was having children and while being a mother has taught me the most about life and how to truly love another person, I can't burden my children with the job of trying to fill me, that is not fair to them. I've used food, shopping, religion.

And still I have that empty spot.

You would think that after years of using these various ways, most of which I use or have used a lot, I would see that something is not working.

It's not that I don't realize that. But I guess I don't know what else to do.

Or maybe I'm afraid to admit that the answer is me. The answer to filling that part of myself comes from within. And yet, I continually turn to external things. Maybe because I don't believe that I could ever give myself what I need most.

There isn't a maybe in that. I don't believe that I can give myself what I need most. If I did, I would've done so by now.

I'm afraid of failing.

What is it that I need most?

Love.

Compassion.

Kindness.

Understanding.

Caring.

Now how do I go about giving myself those things? Am I even on the right track here?

I don't know.

I know I'm tired of feeling empty.

Nothing Much Here

I don't have much to blog about.

I'm down in the dumps.

I ate too much yesterday.

I've been so tired. I took a one hour nap yesterday afternoon and even went to bed early.

I've decided to switch to the Core way of eating on WW because with the Flex I rely way too much on prepackaged, processed food. Maybe that's why I'm not feeling my best. I need to eat more whole, natural foods and now is the time to do it with all the seasonal fruits and veggies coming in.

Ally is going on a field trip to Mount Vernon tomorrow and has to be to the school by 6:30am. Neither Junior or I are going. She didn't want us to. She also does not want us to come to the 8th grade picnic or come up to the 8th grade dance. Basically she doesn't want us around for anything. And that really hurts my feelings. Sometimes I just don't know if she really knows or understands how her not wanting us around makes us feel.

I may not be around much the next few days. Tomorrow I've got a ton of errands to run. Saturday we will be in Ocean City, MD all day for lacrosse. Sunday is Mother's Day.

Have a wonderful weekend. If you still have your mom, give her extra hugs and kisses on Sunday.

Hump Day Ramblings

Well, school is late due to fog. I knew it was going to be. And I've decided to keep Trev home and not go on the field trip. Mainly because he needs to get his blood work done asap. And since he really doesn't care to go and I have a lot to do at work and would rather not go either, we're going to be bad and skip it.

I am so freaking tired right now. Getting up for exercise class is getting harder and harder. I thought exercise was supposed to be giving me energy. Maybe I'm not eating enough protein? I don't know but it really sucks being so damn tired.

And the new trainers worked the hell out of us this morning. I kept getting this weird cramp in my inner thigh, hurt like bugger. I did like their routine though, they really mixed it up.

Doing ok with my eating. Some times I wonder if I'm eating enough, other times I wonder if I'm eating too much. It's such a fine line with me it seems. I just try and listen to my body, if I'm hungry I eat. Some days I'm hungrier than others and I'm always wanting something in the afternoon. That's usually the time I binge, the time from when I get home up to dinner. Thankfully I've been avoiding the big binges I have, everyday that I don't binge is a victory. It's hard because when I don't binge or use food to soothe my emotions, I then have to deal with the emotions. And it seems that my main emotions are frustration and being overwhelmed.

One day at a time.

This Sunday is Mother's Day. Part of me would still like to just skip over that day. I remember my first Mother's Day without my mother and how I didn't want to celebrate it at all. But Junior reminded me that it wasn't fair to our children to not let them celebrate it. So I did and it wasn't so bad. But each year still, I dread it and each year, I still celebrate it. And this year I'm actually having it here at my house. Usually my MIL does it because she knows I struggle but since she's still not feeling the best, I stepped up and said I would have it.

I'm in desperate need of some caffeine. An IV drip would be wonderful....

Good News

Trev's visit to the endocrinologist went well. He either has hypothyroidism like I do or he has eurothyroidism somethingorother, sorry can't remember the rest of the name. Basically that one is when your body is reacting to illness and it sends your thyroid levels out of whack which would make sense considering how sick he has been. But the doctor feels that is not likely due to how high his levels are. So Trev is having more bloodwork done and if his levels are still high, he will be put on synthroid. If his levels are below 10 then it's possible he has the eurothyroidism somethingorother and his body will regulate itself.

All in all, he doesn't have anything strange or hard to treat which is a good thing.

Now our next hurtle is deciding what to do as far as putting Trev in private school. He's more and more open to it. I'm going to call the school today and get Junior and I an appointment to get a tour.

I didn't go work out this morning. I'm going to go this afternoon. I think I need to start doing that on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I've been so damn tired lately and I think it has to do with getting up at 4:15 everyday. It wouldn't be so bad if I went to bed at a reasonable hour but I never do.

Tomorow I'm going on a field trip with Trev and I would so love for him to say that he doesn't want to go. I don't want to spend the day with his teacher. At all. Junior is on a field trip with Trev today, they are going to Washington,D.C.

I have a ton of work to get done today so I'd better get to it. Well, I'll get to it after I visit some blogs. Priorities.....

Monday Weigh In #3

Monday Weigh In #3 - 3.5 pounds lost
Total - 6.5 pounds lost

Still plugging along. I keep tellling myself slow and steady wins the race.

Today we are taking Trev to the University of Maryland to see the pediatric endocrinologist. I'm fighting the urge to eat to soothe my nerves.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers that it's just a simple case of hypothyroidism that we can start treating asap.

I'll update as soon as I can.

My Life, In Bullets

• Spent a very long day yesterday dragging 7 kids around
• Got to eat Grotto's pizza, if you ever visit Rehobeth Beach, DE, you gotta go to Grotto's
• Ate 2 slices of pizza and a handful of beach fries
• Came home exhausted and desperately wanting something alcoholic to drink
• Went out to dinner with Junior, alone
• Drank 2 margaritas
• Ate strawberry shortcake for dessert
• Stopped at the liquor store and got a 6 pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade Light
• Put the younger 2 kids to bed
• Had some I'm really tipsy so I don't care sex
• Junior is a very happy man this morning
• I am hungover
• Yes, I went completely off my eating plan yesterday
• No, I'm not sorry
• I'm back on today
• Have a house that needs attention
• Laundry that needs washing
• A science fair project that needs to be completed
• Did I mention I am hungover?

TGIF, I guess

I am so glad it's Friday. I am so glad that I don't have to go into the office today. At least my FIL has calmed down a little. Last week I was ready to shake the shit out of him.

I need to do a major grocery shopping. I've been putting it off, mainly because I know I need to go to Walmart because I have so much to get. It's getting to the point where I can't put it off any longer though.

Tomorrow the kids have away games. I have to take the girls to Lewes, DE and Junior has to take Trev to Cambridge,MD. I'm taking another little girl to Lewes because her dad coaches the U-9 boys team and he has to go to Cambridge too. This little girl is hell on wheels so I have a feeling I'm going to be toast when we get home.

Sunday my sister wants us to get together for dinner but I think I'm going to have to say no. She's not going to like it. But Sunday is the only day we have to finish Trev's science fair project because Monday we're taking him to University of Maryland to see the endocrinologist, Tuesday Junior and Trev are going to D.C. for a field trip and Wednesday I'm going with Trev on a field trip. Throw in lacrosse practices and we have no time to get anything done. So Sunday is it.

I've been looking over the information on the private school we're considering for Trev. Of course he does not want to go and honestly, I don't want to take him from his friends. But I don't want to push him through school either and have him graduate and not be able to read or do basic math. I've heard nothing but good things about the school and my gut tells me he would benefit from it but my heart hates seeing him get so upset at the thought of it.

Ally and I are not getting along right now. At all. She has the ability to hurt my feelings like very few in my life do. She doesn't want me to go on her field trip because I might get into everyone's business. Which translates to I might get into her business because I could care less what other kids are doing but hell yeah, I'm all up in her business. If she'd keep her ass out of so much drama, I could maybe back off a little.

Grrr.....

I guess I'm going to check blogs and then go to Hellmart.

Damn it.

I Don't Understand

On the way to work this morning the deejay's were discussing sex offenders, particularly this bastard that was arrested getting off a plane in Hong Kong yesterday. Apparently this guy along with his friend, gang raped his 1o year old daughter, got it on video and put it on the internet. Thankfully he has been arrested and hopefully they will be arresting the friend soon too.

What kind of person does that?

I swear when I hear stories like that I just want to keep my kids at home and never let them go anywhere.

The deejays were urging everyone to get online and check your local sex registry list.

The thing is, how many are out there that have not been caught or even charged with anything?

I just hope that both of those men get it real good in jail. Sick bastards.

What that little girl has had to endure in her young life is probably hard to even fathom.

This is one of those things that I just don't understand why it had to happen.

High School Again

I'll be 35 years old in 19 days. It's been awhile since I've been in high school.

But there are times when I feel like I'm still there.

Like when I went to the tanning salon (I know, so not healthy but fat looks better tanned, I don't care what anyone says and I only go to get a base so I don't burn all freakin' summer) and this woman walks in and looks me up and down. You know what I mean by that, she was checking me out from head to toe. And no, I don't feel she was "checking me out" in a good way. It was the sizing me up kind of thing. Which I hate and I don't think I met her approval either because she didn't look real pleased when she finally looked me in the eye. And me being the nice person that I am, dismissed her with a roll of my eyes.

Then there's lacrosse practice. It's amazing how different the atmosphere is over to the girls practice compared to the boys practice. At the boys practice, all of us parents get along great. We talk, we tease each other, we cut up. I really enjoy their company. Now at the girls practice, it's back to high school again.

You've got your cliques/clicks. It's like lunch time where the jocks sit with the jocks, geeks sit with the geeks. It's normal to sit with people that you are friends with but to do it to the exclusion of someone else, well, that bothers me. You can sit down next to most of them and they won't even acknowledge you with a smile or a hello.

Thankfully I'm at the age where I could care less. I go out of my way to be friendly to whoever sits down next to me. I sit where I want, the way I look at it they can leave if my presence offends them or something.

Even the lacrosse coach is clicky. She only encourages her favorite girls and no one else.

Do you ever feel like you're back in high school?

New Food Finds

These are a new find for me and so far the only place I'm able to get them is Target. There are two kinds, the oats and chocolate and the oats and peanut butter. Both have 9 grams of fiber in one bar. If you are following Weight Watchers, the oats and chocolate is 2 points, the oats and peanut butter is 3 points. They are really good and chewy which I like and they are also a nice size. I eat one for breakfast during the week.

This is another new find. One bag is 2 points. Now the cookies are small, the picture on the box I feel is a little deceiving. But they are very good and I consider them a nice treat. I just make sure to eat them slowly, enjoying each and every one. I do have to be careful because I think I could turn this into a binge food.






I couldn't find a picture but another snack I'm enjoying are the sugar free fudgesicles. One is only half a point so you could have 2 for only 1 point. They aren't very big though so don't expect a huge popsicle. But they are creamy and have a good chocolate taste.

I just wanted to share some of my recent food finds. I've noticed you can get food on Amazon.com now, that's actually where I found the picture of the cookies.

What are some of your favorite snacks? Anything new you've found?